Betrayal

Betrayal. 

If there was a vibe, a overarching feeling of the moment I would have to say betrayal is it. 

If someone was to ask what the biggest mistake a person could make in life I would say believing that all people are like you. That they think like you. That they would do what you did in the same circumstance. That they care about the same things you do or want the same things you do. That is a big mistake. 

When your gut sinks looking around you to see that foundations that you believed were strong and stable give way to leave you falling through space and time through the fog of the unknown. I thought you were going to be there for me, that was the contract, that was the agreement that I invested in. But when when time came to pay the check and do the hard thing it is amazing how many people disappear. The devastating realizations come in that they were using you all along with no intention of following through with what you thought were promises. 

This can happen in personal relationships, with employers, or governments. Feeling naive. Wondering what clues were missed. This can be traumatic. How does one continue to get up after being punched down by betrayal so many times? 

It is like so many things in life there comes a time to ask "What other choice is there?". Questions like why or why not rarely add value to the conversation. When the pain and loss is the same. When the grief is there anyway does it really matter why? I suppose we feel some relief if someone hurt us unintentionally instead of on purpose. To me that is no consolation because being so oblivious as to not take care with another human feels like more of a crime than knowingly doing a hurtful act for a motive even if that motive is nothing more than  just wanting to. That is easier to comprehend and wrap some understanding around. At least in my experience. 

I have felt a great deal of betrayal in my life. Recently with the exposure of the underbelly of America over the past few months I have felt it more acutely. Those who say never to depend on anything or anyone but yourself because you are the only one that you can be sure of. I didn't believe them but now I do. Self-reliance above all else because only you can care about you all of the time. 

This world is difficult to shield yourself from every moment of every day. It does feel better to live in community. Many hands make light work. There are always risks and trade-offs in life. We have to take chances. When given the cherished opportunity to live in a healthy state of community one should definitely take it. It just feels like those opportunities have become ever more rare in the modern world. 

Trust is earned a little at a time. Looking at the actions of an individual over time is the only way to truly know whether to trust them or not. We build the data set over time. 

I am healing from the betrayal. Learning to trust myself and the world again.

Because what choice do we have?